I was sitting with a handsome guy in a beautiful restaurant, the food, the ambience, the music, everything was perfect. Except….
Inside my brain:
‘I hate him’
yeah, your guess is right, the guy sitting in front of me was not the same guy I was thinking about. Then why was I there???
‘How could he do this to me, how could I fall for a man like that, such a selfish….What does he think of himself, he is not the only man left on this planet.’
Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by a voice…’you ok?’
‘So you like the place? I was so worried deciding it.’
‘The only thing matters is the person you are with.’
After two hours and a few conversations which I hardly remember, we came out. We had to walk a while for cab. That was a beautiful evening. It’s around 8-9 pm, a bit chill outside..There were few people…the heat of the moment was predicting something, but the question is what I wanted..
Do you remember those movies of the 90s which show the angel and devil side of our personalities in white and black costumes, arguing? Well, 90s ended but they keep arguing inside our brain.
My stupid heart: Do you really want this?
My logical brain: yeah of course.
😍: Please don’t do anything silly which you’ll repent whole life.
😠: Oh God!!! Just for once will you stop thinking about whole life and live in the moment. We have already suffered a lot because of your emotional dramas.. now just shut-up..
😍: Please! Live in the moment? We both know why we are here…you just want to get even. But this is not the right way to do it.
😠: Really, now we are considering right and wrong. Where were your preachings when someone made us fall in love and left. Why didn’t you give him your right and wrong lessons.
😍: Because we love him. We still do. And all these anger and revenge are coming out of that love.
😠: Don’t count me, I hate him.
😍: It’s a betrayal.
😠: First of all, it’s not and even if it is I am betraying the Betrayer. And what do you know..he might be kissing someone else right now.
😍: You are betraying your own feelings.
😠: I am kissing this guy. That’s it.
😍: But what if he gets serious, then ..just because someone else had not thought about your feelings, doesn’t mean you’ll stop caring about others too..
😠: Great!!! think about the one who left..think about the one who is not even in your life now. Think about everyone else’s, but yourself.
Forcefully shutting them, I tried to concentrate on the story he was telling. The only thing I noticed about him that evening that he talks a lot.
We were about to reach the cab when I felt his hand over mine and him a bit closer.
‘Oh God! No. I can’t do this’
In that one moment I felt how wrong it was and stopped it there. I guess, when you truly love someone you just love them, It’s either them or no one.
That day I encountered two truths of life.
1) cheating is not a mistake, but always a choice.
2) love is the most powerful feeling. It will always suppress jealousy, anger, revenge, and every other human emotion.